vanity fair + brad pitt + invictus = epiphany. go figure.
Dec.16.09

I attended the premiere of the fantastic film Invictus last week and it made me think about my interview with Linda Biehl.  She talked a lot about Nelson Mandela and her experience with him and the example he has been in her life and in South Africa.  The film was special for me because it shows what Mandela was like as a person and the concepts of reconciliation and change can be experienced in a personal and real way through this story, rather than just rhetorically.  (Apparently Morgan Freeman nailed Mandela’s personality and mannerisms and is getting rave reviews on all fronts about his portrayal.)

I read about Linda Biehl in an article that was an interview with Desmond Tutu in the July 2007 issue of Vanity Fair, surprisingly (for me at least) by Brad Pitt.  (I didn’t know he wrote, too – what on earth does that guy not do?)

(A little background:  Tutu and Nelson Mandela came up with the concept of “restorative justice” with the Truth and Reconciliation Commission (TRC) in South Africa in order to enable their country to heal and come to terms with its past of violence and human rights abuses that occurred during the apartheid system and anti-apartheid struggle.  The TRC investigated the violations that took place between 1960 and 1994 to provide support and reparation to victims and their families, and to compile a full and objective record of the effects of apartheid on South African society.  Perpetrators of any politically-motivated acts – including violations or abuse – could apply for amnesty from the TRC in return for providing a full account of their actions.)

In this Vanity Fair article, Tutu discusses ubuntu, which he says is, “the essence of being human…You can’t be human in isolation.  You are human only in relationships.  We are interconnected.”  He goes on to say, “The greatest good in the concept of ubuntu is communal harmony.  Anger, revenge are subversive of this great good.”  As an example, he tells the story of Amy Biehl and her parents and what they have done with the Amy Biehl Foundation and how they not only asked for their daughter’s killers’ amnesty, but they then employed and have relationships with two of them.  (Amy Biehl was killed during an uprising during the apartheid struggles while in South Africa as a Fulbright scholar studying and working for peace and with the poor.)

I was completely blown away and stunned by this story of true forgiveness and reconciliation.  I honestly don’t believe that most people practice this.  You hear about it all the time, but people don’t practice what they preach when things really get bad.  This is as bad as it could get – their daughter was killed by teenagers caught up in the struggle and violence of apartheid – but the Biehls forgave them when they asked for forgiveness and not only forgave them but fought for their amnesty so they wouldn’t be in jail forever (they served 4 years) and now the foundation employs and works with 2 of them, promoting reconciliation, change, barriers against violence, forgiveness and negotiation.

If we could all truly forgive like this, what kind of world would this be?  What is possible for us?  If the Biehl’s can do it, we all have the capability to do it.  In fact, when I read the article, I happened to be going through a lot of hurt and anger and was having a hard time forgiving someone who had hurt me deeply.  After reading about the Biehls, I just thought, “Linda and Peter Biehl can forgive their daughter’s killers and I can’t forgive so-and-so?  Oh yes, I can.”  And it helped me eventually forgive this person and understand and experience more fully that forgiving is really for the person doing the forgiving, not the other way around.  Their story helps me all the time to know it’s possible to truly forgive and let go – it may take me a while, but I know it is possible.  Linda and Peter Biehl took something so awful and turned it into a positive for themselves and the world – and they did it by practicing true forgiveness and reconciliation.

In July of 2007, the seeds of the concept of Epiphany were being planted, and Linda was one of the very first people I put on my list to interview.  Once the project had outside interest and was developing, she was the first person I contacted that I didn’t know.  After looking up the foundation online, I cold-called her and was thrilled when she got back to me.  We never met but conducted her interview on the phone almost a year to the day after I read the article about her.  Linda Biehl is one of my heroes.  www.myhero.com/myhero/hero.asp?hero=a_biehl

Here is an excerpt from her interview with me:

“One of the greatest realizations for me that has come out my situation and work with the Foundation and South Africa is my experience with the Truth and Reconciliation Commission.  Forgiveness is extremely important, of course, and is the first step toward true peace and healing, but it’s with reconciliation – actively restoring peace and harmony – that I think you can make the biggest difference.  I’ve realized that what is needed is deeper and more involved than just forgiveness – reconciliation and negotiation are necessary.  We need to focus on learning from our mistakes, and we need to work on trust and respect and listening.  Nelson Mandela is a great example of this.  He is one of our greatest world leaders because he realized that it wouldn’t serve his people or country to stay angry or demand revenge.  He personifies forgiveness, reconciliation and negotiation and is, at the same time, a very strong leader and man.  We speak to a lot of kids and this is wonderful for them to have leaders they can look at and respect and then find their own way with the information and knowledge we try to give them.  We’ve taken this reconciliation concept outside of just South Africa.  I speak all over the U.S. and in many different countries now – many times with and have a very busy speaking schedule, and I don’t promote at all.  People seem to be hungry for this everywhere.

My life’s process is that I want to be always learning, always growing until I leave here.  I turned sixty-six in April and some of my friends at my high school reunion were just sort of retiring from life.  That’s not for me.  I’m always challenging myself step-by-step, learning as I go and being open to the process.  It’s been really gratifying for me to work with kids and work with people like Nelson Mandela.  I’d like to leave something behind to help the world move forward rather than backward. Victims Against the Death Penalty wanted me to join them, and I won’t join because of the word ‘victim.’  I’ve never felt like a victim.  I never want to be a victim.  I like this project you’re doing because it’s about people telling their stories – it’s similar to The Truth and Reconciliation Commission is in that it’s based upon the stories – allowing people to tell their stories.  We learn from each other this way.  We’re never really going to have all the answers… and maybe that’s what this is all about anyway – maybe we’re always on this journey of learning and growing and striving to understand each other and the world around us.  I think that’s the exciting thing about being human beings.  You’ll find traits that are similar and traits that are novelties that don’t fit anywhere.  If we can just work together a little more and strive for our best in behavior and thinking, as opposed to behaving and thinking to our lower common denominator, things will hopefully get better.”

“We’re never really going to have all the answers… and maybe that’s what this is all about anyway – we’re always on this journey of learning and growing and striving to understand each other and the world around us.  I think that’s the exciting thing about being human beings.”

– Linda Biehl

Invictus

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

William Ernest Henley

According to the film, Invictus is the poem that helped Mandela while he was in prison for almost 30 years.

Invictus is perfect holiday movie-going fare…(esp. when doing the whole double feature afternoon thing that you know you do sometimes…)



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What happens in Vegas…
Nov.12.09

The other day I had a conversation with a gentleman in a hotel bar in Vegas. (That sounds sort of seedy, doesn’t it?  It wasn’t like that – we were all just waiting on our dinner reservations so we struck up a conversation.)  So when he asked me what I did and we got to talking about all of that, I ended up asking him about his greatest epiphany.  It is because of random epiphanies like these that I started filming epiphany stories. This gentleman wouldn’t even tell the whole story about the epiphany because it was too personal for him, so I asked him to just summarize in one sentence what he had learned from it.  He agreed, paused for a moment, and then sort of took a deep breath and proceeded to spread his arms out as far as they would stretch to either side and said,

“You see this?  This is what I know I can control.  This is my reach.  I only have control over myself and my realm — that’s it.  Anything outside of that, outside of myself — other people, things, situations — I have to let go and know that they are not within my reach, they are not under my control.”

He then dropped his arms, picked up his drink and went on to say,

“I can’t control things outside of myself as much as I want to.  It was a very hard lesson for me, but it’s served me well.”

And then he held up his drink to us in a little toast and took a swig.  Yes.  You could tell that it had been a very hard lesson for him.  He revealed a bit more that the hardest lesson in this had been trying to control a situation of trying to save a person in his life.  He realized he couldn’t control or save her/him — he finally had to let them and the situation go, even though it didn’t seem that the person he wanted to save, saved themselves in the end.  It’s sad and it happens all the time.  But he’s right, and I admired how he admitted that he wanted to control things.  I want to control things all the time and don’t really admit it myself, much less others.  We all sat in silence for a few seconds as we absorbed that, and then he paid for our drinks and bid us adieu.

I love gleaning wisdom from strangers…Steve from Phoenix.  I’ve told people that epiphany (with my arms reaching wide) several times since then…makes you think, especially when finding yourself in control freak/savior mode…

So I guess what happens in Vegas doesn’t always stay in Vegas…and sometimes, that isn’t a bad thing at all.

“I only have control over myself and my realm — that’s it.  Anything outside of that, outside of myself — other people, things, situations — I have to let go and know that they are not within my reach, they are not under my control.”

– Steve from Phoenix

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Epiphany and The City…
Nov.10.09

In October, I went to New York and met with publishers about Epiphany.  I am thrilled and excited to announce that Random House, Harmony Books will be publishing my book, Epiphany: True Stories of Sudden Insight!  It’s par for the course that this latest milestone in my life occurred in New York.  I always say magic happens every day for me in New York, and when I lived there, I couldn’t wait to get on the street and see what the day would hold because something crazy and serendipitous inevitably always did.  In fact, New York is where I had my first major life epiphany.  The funny thing is, I didn’t realize it until after I started writing Epiphany.  Many times, one of the things that happens when people start telling their greatest epiphany stories is that they realize that they actually have had other moments in life that they hadn’t thought of as epiphanies.  As we tell our greatest epiphany story, we start discovering and remembering epiphanies we have had earlier.  We’d never thought of these realizations like that before.  When I started this project and started asking people about their epiphanies, I honestly was surprised that people would then ask me what my greatest epiphany was.  I was not at all prepared for them to ask me this.  I never thought anyone would care or be curious about mine …So when I got asked that question in some meetings, I just told them about my epiphany that made me a.) realize that I’d had an actual epiphany and b.) amazed me because of how drastically my life changed that I became curious enough to start asking other people if they had had similar experiences.  I thought that was the only real epiphany I’d ever had.  (This would be considered my greatest epiphany and is the one you will be able to read about in the book.)

As I was writing my book proposal and was working on the part about my background and how the project came into being, I had a realization about my epiphany (an epiphany about an epiphany!…happens all the time, I’ve discovered…).  I realized that, actually, I’d my first major life epiphany while living in New York in my early 20’s — an epiphany that put me on a completely new direction and life path.  This won’t be in the book (because it’s not the one that made me start paying attention to epiphanies) so this is what I wrote about that experience in all its unedited imperfection…

I never, ever knew (or admitted) what I wanted to do when I ‘grew up.’  My major in college was Undecided (yes, they actually had that as a major) until they finally forced me to pick a real major second semester my junior year.  I would ‘accidentally’ get into plays and musicals as a kid and took drama all through high school and college even though I opted never to try out for parts or ever take it seriously – probably because I was a big chicken, simply terrified that I wouldn’t get parts.  It was only when I found myself suddenly jobless in New York City after a brief stint at a marketing company right out of college that I finally had to really examine what I wanted to do in life.  New York City has the best of the best of every profession operating there, and I had been interviewing, exploring opportunities and gathering information in every field I had ever been interested in: fashion, publishing, film production, literary and entertainment agencies, public relations, Wall Street, and even politics, and I had also somehow bluffed my way into my first professional acting class, even though I don’t think I even knew what a headshot was at this point.  Of course, I told everyone that it was just for fun anyway.  One day, while confiding in a friend that I was freaking out about all this research I was doing and still didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life and career, he said this to me:

“If anything was possible in the world, there were no obstacles, no fear and nothing at all was impossible – it’s only you and God in the world – what would you do?  Write it down.  That’s really what you want to do and then you back into it from there.”

I thought, ‘uh-huh, whatever’…but later, I went ahead and grudgingly sat there with a pad and pen and thought about that scenario over and over… ‘no obstacle, anything in the world is possible, no obstacles, anything in the world is possible’…and much to my surprise, eventually I had a realization!  I realized I had been dancing around what I really wanted to do, dancing around with all the businesses surrounding it, because I was too scared to admit that what I really wanted to do. What I really wanted to do was be an actor.  Be the creative.  I didn’t know how to really go about doing that though because no one in my family had ever done anything in the arts professionally.  I hadn’t really ever considered it an option.  So once I had this epiphany, I really started taking the whole thing seriously.  I continued with my education and training, studied the entertainment business, got headshots, got an agent, got into the union, started booking jobs, etc., and before I knew it, I was a professional actress.  This path has continued to lead me over the years to other avenues in the entertainment business of producing, directing and now, writing.  As I write this, I realize this is probably my first epiphany as an adult.  This happens a lot as I interview people.  While describing what led up to the ‘greatest epiphany,’ many times they discover that another earlier epiphany had occurred to bring them to that point.  Many times, we discovered this together while doing the interview, and sometimes they discovered it while thinking about what their greatest epiphany was and then shared the various epiphanies with me.  You will see this in several of the interviews in the book.’

The exercise my friend shared with me that day in New York that led to this first major life epiphany has served me well throughout my life, and I still use it whenever I get stuck.  I just shared it with a few of my friends recently and it helped them, too.  So here it is more clearly just in case it might help anyone who may be reading this:

If it were just you and God in the world (if you believe in God or a Higher Power, of course – otherwise, just say it’s you) and there is no fear, no lack, there are no obstacles, no commitments, no responsibilities or obligations blocking you  — ANYTHING, ANYTHING is possible – nothing is impossible – what would you do?  It can be ANYTHING – backpack through Europe; meet a girl or guy and have a baby and be a househusband or housewife; climb a mountain; become a farmer, an actor, a doctor, a writer, a race car driver – whatever – but what is it, really?  What would you do?  Where would you live?  Who would you be?  Think about or meditate on this question with a pen and a piece of paper in front of you and be open to being absolutely honest with yourself.  It will come to you. And then, Write It Down – it’s only for you, no one else has to ever see it, you might even throw it away later – but write it down.  Write down what is really, truly in your heart when you answer this question.  Whatever it is may surprise you…but when you answer truthfully, it is such a relief.  And then sit with it for a bit, absorb it, and – beginning with what you truly want – start backing into it – start by write down the smaller, attainable steps that will build toward your ultimate goal…it works…

From this exercise, I realized I didn’t want to be the agent or the producer or the marketing person.  I realized I wanted to be the creative, and since that moment, my life has never been the same.  It’s not always been easy and sometimes it’s even painful, but it’s amazing to be on what you feel is your right path.  This exercise always keeps me honest.  I don’t believe that our hearts yearn for something that isn’t what we’re supposed to be doing or something about it won’t serve us in some way – maybe it’s about just taking some steps to get there that is the purpose, but you’ll never know until you get clear and honest about what it is you truly yearn for.  A wonderful teacher of mine always says…

“If not now, when?  If not now…When?  If. Not. Now.    When?”

so think about it and let me know what happens…

Posted in Epiphany Stories, The Book - Epiphany | 2 Comments

"Chance Favors the Prepared Mind" (or How to Get Lucky)
Oct.21.09

‘Chance favors the prepared mind.’

– Louis Pasteur

I love this article How to Get Lucky that I ran across on O Magazine online.  We keep hearing about ‘intention’ and the ‘law of attraction’ and other terms and philosophies like this in books like The Secret, etc.  But I have to admit, I think that I finally really understand how it might work to a certain degree that after reading this article which is scientific in its approach.  I just wrote about one of my subjects for Epiphany, Orian Williams, being open to serendipitous occurrences in his life, and I have a lot of serendipity in my life, as we all do, but when I read this and started trying it out, it really has been working to a noticeable degree.  I have been sharing it with my friends, and they are getting similar results…we are all getting ‘luckier’ (and no, not just in that way – get your mind out of the gutter).  We’ve all heard about people’s big breaks or greatest opportunities and how they happened to be ‘at the right place at the right time’ which set them on a path that changed their lives forever.   According to the article, Richard Wiseman, PhD says, ‘being in the right place at the right time is actually all about being in the right state of mind.’  This Brit professor at the University of Hertfordshire in England argues that only 10% of life is truly random, the remaining 90% is actually defined by the way we think!  That seems a little on the high side to me frankly, but nonetheless, the article is only 4 pages and is worth reading if only to read the great and humorous story about a woman who has spent 6 years focussed on only her career and wakes up alone wondering if it was all worth it, and how she changes it all one fateful morning when she hits the cleaners.

It just goes to show – you never know where Chance, Luck, or Love will find us and hit and it’s nice to know how we might be able to prepare for it when it does … or better yet – how to prepare so that it is sure to find and hit us – hard.  Enjoy.


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Kerouac This and That – One Fast Move or I'm Gone…
Oct.17.09

One Fast Move or I’m Gone: Kerouac’s Big Sur is producer Orian Williams‘ (yes, another Epiphany Interviewee) latest film, and its hitting theatres this Tuesday, October 20.  Orian is also the producer of the fantastic award-winning film, Control, about the 80’s band Joy Division.  If you haven’t seen this film yet, I HIGHLY recommend it…I honestly think it is one of the most powerful films I’ve ever seen.  I’ve known Orian for years but I had no idea he was the producer of that film and when I found out, I had to interview him for Epiphany.  His epiphany stories are some of  the greatest, most fun stories about serendipity and finding your calling that you will ever hear … I won’t give them away — suffice it to say:  a broken heart, a road trip, Robert Evans, and a random email woven into one big tapestry of synchronistic perfection and told in Orian’s unique, wonderful and funny voice, leave you laughing and gasping at the coincidences and happenings that occur in his life.  And Orian had even more stories like this…what I realized from talking with Orian is that he has serendipitous things constantly happening to him, and he always notices and follows the opportunities they present. He never ignores them or takes them for granted.  We all have serendipitous things happening to us but are we paying attention and seizing the opportunities that present themselves?   Orian does, and I bet if you ask him how this film came into being or how he got involved, he will have a wild, wonderful, magically serendipitous story to tell.  And I bet even bigger that One Fast Move or I’m Gone is amazing.

Here’s the information on the film and how to find it in a theatre near you…

In 1957 Jack Kerouac was a literary rock star, lionized by fans, but along with sudden fame and media hype came his unraveling.
Big Sur is an evocative account of a time in Jack’s life when he’d “come undone,” both emotionally and spiritually. He escapes to a cabin in Big Sur to confront his inner demons and find a modicum of peace by the sea.
The story unfolds in several synchronous ways: through the narrative arc of Kerouac’s prose, told in voice-over by actor and Kerouac interpreter, John Ventimiglia (of HBO’s The Sopranos); through first-hand accounts and recollections of Kerouac’s contemporaries, whom many of the characters in the book are based on such as Lawrence Ferlinghetti, Carolyn Cassady, Joyce Johnson and Michael McClure; by the interpretations and reflections of writers, poets, actors and musicians who have been deeply influenced by Kerouac’s unique gifts like Tom Waits, Sam Shepard, Robert Hunter, Patti Smith, Aram Saroyan, Donal Logue and S.E. Hinton.
The film also features stunning, High Definition visual imagery set to original music composed and performed by recording artist, Jay Farrar of Son Volt, with additional performance by Benjamin Gibbard of Death Cab for Cutie.
The film will release on DVD and CD the same day as the premiere and the screening at the ArcLight is a one time event to promote the release, so if you want to attend, please go to arclightcinemas.com for your ticket.or if not in LA the film is also playing in 50 other cities across the US, so please go to the following site for local listings. kerouacsbigsur.com as well as to purchase the CD/DVD and more…

‘You go into your heart, find the things that keep you alive, the things that keep you motivated – those are the things that you are passionate about, those are the things you want to make your life about.’

– Orian Williams



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